I remember being 22, freshly wed and busy building a new life 12 hours from home.
12 hours from my Mom. Who I dialed up daily, because somewhere in time, she’d become one of my best friends. My chosen counsel. We didn’t need to squabble over the length of my shorts anymore, and I realized, by then, she’d only held me to high standards because she loved me.
One afternoon, I stood on the back deck of my first home, holding a bulky cordless phone in place, and watched my two little puppies play. Mom and I talked about living a life of purpose. I was trying to figure out what that meant for me.
It sunk in suddenly. She was only 19.
When the doctor handed her my baby flesh, and she carried me over the threshold to Dad and my 14-month-old sister. Before her 20th birthday.
I thought about myself at 19.
A college sophomore, that year I went to a party with the boy I would marry. I studied and worked and played and figured out who I was and dreamed of all I wanted to do with my life. I loved that year. All those years. We had a ball without the seriousness of bills and jobs and adulthood.
But my Mom, barely more than a little girl caring for 2 baby dolls–she had us both so young. Young in years. Young in her faith in God. Young and crazy in love with my Dad. {Some things never change.}
Back when we liked our shoulders big and fluffy.
I cannot comprehend how she did it. She was really an amazing (baby of a) Mom.
That’s not to say there weren’t those days. Those days she locked her bedroom door and cried her eyes out. And we had no idea what could possibly be wrong with her. Why did she ever need a break from us? We had no idea. There were 3 of us little girls then, burst onto her scene within 3 years.
Oh, now? I get it.
My friend Lisa-Jo Baker just released her first book, Surprised by Motherhood. In it, she says she’s learned 3 things:
- Motherhood is hard.
-
Motherhood is glorious.
-
Motherhood is very hard.
I could not agree more, and I waver between the 3. I often want a break, yet I never want this to end.
It’s the best thing I can imagine, but still I complain about the hard parts. Because you know, often their needs and issues get in the way of my desires. Of my life. And yet, my Mom never really had a life, of her own.
But she loved her life as a Mom. I mean, she wanted to control the outcomes. Who doesn’t?
And the three of us “learning to compromise” over dolls and toys and the neighbor’s dog and who would get to be Daisy when we played Dukes again…add the tears and drama and messes and tempers and high-pitched voices erupting in a house full of girls. She rarely lived a day without serving little ones around the clock. It was overwhelming sometimes.
I remember the whole circus fondly, but I never had to be the one in charge. I don’t know how she pulled it off, but I grew up feeling like Mom really loves this. Like it was all she ever wanted.
And then we grew into 3 teenage girls at once, with our sweet, little Tany, our well-mothered (smothered?) baby sister trailing a decade behind. I’m sorry to say, we became a little gang of sisters, who thought Mom was the enemy, too often. We were well aware of all the things she did wrong. In our opinions.
It took some time before we were just as aware of all she did right. Of all her whys and how she tried. The ways she served and blessed us. Her hugs and presence and neverending “I love you“s. Her endless teaching of truth and skills she gathered when adulthood arrived so early at her doorstep.
Who would I be, without her? I mean, honestly. Who would any of us girls be? Without our Mom.
And her outer beauty has nothing on her beautiful heart!
**This post was inspired by Lisa-Jo Baker’s amazing, new, selling-out-everywhere book, Surprised by Motherhood, in which she tells her own unlikely journey to becoming a Mom after she lost her Mother at 17. The beauty of Lisa-Jo’s words help me make more sense of my own story, and I think it will do the same for you. Don’t miss this one!
Because I LOVE this book, and it makes me love motherhood more, I’m giving away a copy Friday. Leave me a comment before midnight Friday, April 11th, and we’ll throw your name in the hat. 🙂 Just tell me one reason you’re thankful for your own Mom.
And if you have a minute, please watch the trailer below. It’s worth your time. Tissues, anyone?
** Update: Congrats to Kyra C. for winning the book giveaway! I messaged you… 🙂
I love our Mom for all those reasons! Just yesterday I was pouring my heart out to her. She has always remained present, loving and wise! Although, I might kill you for posting this throw back picture of all of us! 😉
Hahaha!!! But seriously, I thought everyone looked so cute in that picture! No??? You’re HAIR was serious, girl! Gorgeous! And Dina’s beautiful smile and Tany the cute little kid…I love that picture! 🙂
Awww, that was awesome! I love you Momma! There’s no way we would have all turned out so great (if I do say so myself) if it weren’t for our mom, the amazing woman, mother, wife, friend, sister, aunt, and now grandma that she is! Thank you Momma!
Do YOU love the picture??? (see Shan’s comment) haha So glad you were the big sister I came home to…
I love my mom, well, because she is MY mom! 🙂 And because I, like you, have never doubted she loves me no matter what. Great post!
Thanks Kyra! Nothing like the love of your Momma!!! 🙂
I am thrilled to see your work here! This is certain to be a fitting tribute to your mother and all Godly mothers. I’m thankful for my mom and her spiritual motivation that was always evident. Glad that you have such a chance Angela!
Thanks, Bob! I love to hear this answered from a male perspective, especially since I’m Mom to 3 boys. 🙂
Just one? 🙂 Well since I didn’t get to be a big sister, I didn’t learn how to be a mommy to my little sis like you guys did. Mom taught me so many things about being a mom. I never could have learned some of those things from a book. She taught me that I can always grow and learn and change no matter how old I am. That I only see one little puzzle piece now, but God sees the whole picture. That hairbows are very necessary. 😉 I often wonder if I started a hair accessories business because of what I endured with those 80’s & early 90’s style bows. 😉 Now, I can create what I like! 🙂
Sweet, Tany…I do find it funny that you create cute little hairbows, since I don’t remember when, but at some point, you rejected every bit of any of us trying to dress you up in dresses or bows or anything girly. And you wear boy shoes. hahaha (thinking of the lovely sisterly advice I passed on to you that one time…you know what I mean!)
I do blame it on the styles of bows you all were trying to force on me! 😉 And the lacey nasty Easter dresses… yuck! I don’t love frilly, do love boy shoes (I doubt that will ever change!), but I love my flowery hair accessories! haha
Moms are amazing. What a tribute to your mom, Angie! I’m thankful that my mom modeled what a strong, praying woman with unconditional love looks like.
Thanks Gudrun!!! Strength, prayer, and unconditional love…sounds like your Mom has planted in you a lasting legacy.
You girls really DO have an amazing mother. She was then and she is now. I listen to all that she accomplishes and have to take a nap just thinking about it. And the most wonderful part of her is that she has always, unwavering, without compromise – put the Lord first in her life and in her teaching her girls. She truly is an amazing woman (and best friend).
Pam, I agree, she’s always been an overachiever. 🙂 But you are also a treasure of a Mother, and I would place you right there in the same category with her. 🙂 Love you!
What a beautiful tribute to your mom! I loved this!!
Thank you, Tonia!
Thank you.
Thanks for reading, Amanda!
Oh, I’m thankful for my mom for so many reasons. She has been out of town for 3 weeks and I’ve hardly known what to do! She loves my kids so much and I’m thankful for her dedication to being the most amazing Noni ever!
What a beautiful tribute to your mom! As a mom, we would all love to hear these words from our daughters!