Angela Parlin

So Much Beauty in All This Chaos

Need 10 Ways to Beat Decision Fatigue?

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decide decision fatigueI don’t actually have 10 ways to offer you, but I do have 4. It is April Fools Day.

But I wonder, do you share my decision-making disorder? Decision Fatigue. Don’t you appreciate that they’ve named it? Makes it sound Real. Diagnosed. Understandable.

Decision Fatigue “refers to the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual, after a long session of decision making.” (Wikipedia)

Decision Fatigue leads to making poor choices. Or not making any. But then that’s called Decision Avoidance. Maybe that’s what I have, most often.

Too many choices! I JUST CAN’T!

Truth is, I was born with it. Partly because I was born in America, but more than that, my Myers-Briggs explanation mentions it. And then there’s the DISC profile.

We took a version of the DISC which measures how decisive, interactive, steady, and cautious a person tends to be. I scored next to nil for Decisive. Ninety-something percent on the other end–Cautious.

My husband is the opposite, of course. 99% Decisive, hardly any caution. As a business owner, even Mr. Decisive experiences Decision Fatigue sometimes. It doesn’t help for me to remind him he was made for it, that even his DISC profile says so. He’s American too.

Yesterday morning, let’s see…I made the decision to sleep a little longer. To swallow a tiny pill. To let my children track old fashioned rolled oats across the kitchen. To walk downstairs and add milk and blueberries to their bowls myself. I made the decision to make my bed pretty again, to let my hair go a day without washing, to fold towels and hold my boys accountable for “forgetting” to switch the laundry. I’m only getting started.

I made the decision to shut the door, to sit in my black and white corner chair, to open the Word and open a book and enter into the secret place with Jesus.

I made the decision to review my highlights from the beginning of the book I’m working through, and that’s where I made the decision to read this line:

“This present world system is strategically designed to squeeze out your time and energy for the secret place.” ~Bob Sorge, Secrets of the Secret Place

“Hell will do everything in its power,” it says.

Later, I was just innocently going about my day, making hundreds of tiny decisions and a few big ones, when I ran into this verse:

I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.

The Word is full of things to decide, and decide daily.

But mostly, it’s full of encouragement to choose life, to live.

To look one way, and look the other, and don’t make the poor choice. Don’t make poor choices that will lead you back around the wrong way.

And that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the LORD is your life.

(Deuteronomy 30)

Hell will do everything in its power to keep you from drawing near to God. But you hold the power to decide to go to Him anyway. And that’s not even to mention the power that is ours (as believers) through Christ.

Love the Lord your God.

Listen to His voice.

Hold fast to Him.

Choose life.

That may be as far as you get, but that may also be all that’s truly needed.

Love. Listen. Hold. Choose.

Decide.

*This has been another Five Minute Friday post, with the prompt: DECIDE. Find out more about Five Minute Fridays here!

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When You Want to Lose Yourself

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alive valley Lord ShepherdI’m not sure what’s wrong with me that when I hear the word Alive, I instantly think of the dead.

Maybe it’s because a young person asked me recently if life is really worth the struggle. When you’re young and uncertain, sometimes you only see so much pain in this world and too many risks, and fears loom tall until you wonder if it’s all too hard. You wonder if it’s worth it.

I remember sitting with a friend in high school, across black marble tables in the science lab, having the same conversation. I did my best to convince him it was worth it, to live. He chose to stay. Yet it took a while before he chose to really live.

So I hear “Alive” and see the faces of a handful of friends who are not alive, not here, not anymore.

I have loved a number of people who have died young.

How do we ever make sense of it? 

I was 14 when a close friend died suddenly and out of the blue. There was no warning, no sign this was coming, although my sister and I had a feeling on our way home that night. But we didn’t figure out the feeling, and went to sleep. I woke around midnight, hearing my parents on the phone in the kitchen.

He was only 17 when we dropped red February roses over his casket.

But only after Mom and I crept down to sister’s basement bedroom to explain her best friend wasn’t breathing.

I read Psalm 23 on the funeral bulletin. And a poem about how God never promised the skies would always be blue.

It was cold and the skies were gray, and we stayed home from school the next week, and I didn’t want to ever go back.

I wanted to hole up in my bedroom and sing along with Wilson Phillips, “I don’t wanna think about it, Don’t wanna think clear, Don’t analyze What I’m doing here.”

I “Wanna be impulsive, Reckless, And lose myself In your kiss.” {“Impulsive”}

It wasn’t like me at all.

I think the song says that too. The song may have been about following your heart, about new love and being spontaneous.

But for me, it was about facing that someone I cared about, was gone.

For me, it was about dying young and how I could never make sense of it.

When we’re startled and scrambling, the truth is still–The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing.

But the only thing we sometimes understand is the desire to lose ourselves in something else.

We don’t want to have to think about it.

So I told my friends, back then and also recently, that yes, life can be terrible. And life is terribly beautiful. Even in the chaos, among the fear, the disappointments, your deep sadness, and the terror.

Even in the valley. Especially in the valley.

Because no matter what, the truth is still–When I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.

He is with me. He is with us. Even in the valley He is faithful.

And yes, it’s worth it to be alive.

 

*This post is part of Five-Minute Fridays with Kate Motaung, where the writing prompt this week is ALIVE. You are welcome to join us. 🙂 Find out more here!

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For Those Who Need Breathing Room {Five-Minute Fridays}

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Breathing Room for my SoulIt’s been the kind of week where I scurry around, trying to cross off line items, piled up on lengthy to-do lists. Then in the middle of the night, I wake, unable to fall back asleep.

It’s not an issue of trying to keep up with Christmas. Preparing for Christmas traditions was the easy part.

But the schedule’s getting all booked and bossy, and it’s always these times when I start to unravel.

In the middle of the night, the house is nothing but a whisper. Three noisy boys and a spunky girl lie tucked in tight, under cozy comforters. I tip-toe into their bedrooms and observe the way they breathe.

In—Out.

Deep—Rhythmic.

Hushed—Slow.

I think about how I’ve forced myself to breathe deeply a handful of times today. Because my daytime breath keeps coming short and shallow.

I’ve been anticipating a great amount of activity to come–and I guess I’ve been living in fear of it. Because what I really need is breathing room.

Is it even possible to find breathing room, while 8 people live under this roof?

I stumble through prayers, asking God to fix whatever’s off inside me. I’m not sure how to get out of the way. Since I’m missing out on sleep anyway, I look for a psalm to pray, and this is where I land:

Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him. Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62)

Why, yes please. This I want–to find rest in God, unmoved by life’s concerns. I open another Bible version, and end up back at Psalm 62 in The Message. It’s a paraphrase, and the words on the page are meant for me.

God, the one and only—I’ll wait as long as he says. Everything I need comes from him, so why not?

He’s solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul.

Did you see that? Instead of my salvation, this time, God is breathing room for my soul.

I read it again and exhale. This is exactly what I’m looking for. This is beauty, found in the middle of the chaos, this room to breathe. In, out. Deep, slow.

{Yawn}

I guess I’m feeling a little sleepy after all…

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Dear Friend Who Thinks She Should Try Harder

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giftDear Friend Who Thinks She Should Try Harder,

I sat there, while you talked about navigating life with your little people, feeling like I’d already had this conversation with someone. Probably lots of someones.

I kept nodding my head, because I understand the way you feel. Your words reminded me of myself a few years back. Motherhood is hard stuff, and you were looking for answers.

You hinted that your solution was to stay up later. To get more things done. To gather pretty pins and make more lists. To just follow through with the lists you already have.

But I don’t think the answer is waiting for you on Pinterest, at the house next door, or in those glossy stacks of magazines in your living room. I don’t think the answer looks like you doing more.

We are all sold this lie, that if we try a little harder, if we work a little more, we’ll get there. Where? The place where life—motherhood—looks a lot more fun and glamorous and just right. The place where motherhood looks the way we hoped it would look.

We are sold on high expectations and a false definition of being a good mom.

For a long time, I said I was just trying to be a good mom. Just doing the usual things, you know, things everyone was doing. Just keeping up with all I needed to do.

But later I realized the truth. I wanted to do it all. I wanted to be really good at this, at all the pieces and parts of it. Don’t we all want that? For our kids, our family, for God?

Of course, there are other reasons also–we want to keep up with our friends.

So as a Mom, for many years, I lived under an impossible list of expectations, both my own and other people’s ideals. Instead of collecting figurines or seashells, I collected so many expectations on my shelves.

friend who thinks she should try harderAt the end of those overwhelming days, I’d search for answers.

If I could just try a little harder, get more organized, pray more, and figure things out, maybe then I’d be the Mom I always wanted to be.

I usually attacked it in that order, focusing on organization. I usually tried to fix things on my own and asked God for whatever He could do to help.

But friend, who thinks she should try harder, let me tell you what’s different now.

One overwhelming year, I accepted a challenge to read through the Bible with a group of friends. In the thick of those long days, I realized something. I was ruining motherhood, by trying so hard. And somehow half the Bible spoke directly into motherhood.

That year, Jesus offered me freedom from the slavery of striving. He invited me to come to Him for true rest. He encouraged me to take my load from Him–not from what others around me were doing. He showed me how that list of expectations had become an idol I was clinging to.

It’s not like He zapped my life, and everything changed all at once. Or that I’m completely over expectations. But He began a good work in me as a Mom, when I became desperate enough to hear Him.

Days of chronic overwhelm have turned into overwhelming gifts. And when I start to feel like I need to strive to keep up again, I try to take a step back and think about what’s behind my striving.

What about you? Do you often feel like you should do more, and try harder?

 

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Reach for Beauty {Five-Minute Fridays}

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Reach for Beauty

Sometimes we need to uncover the beauty within the chaos of our lives.

But others, we have to run out the door, to reach for the beauty out there, beauty that exists outside of our chaos.

So yesterday, I woke early hoping to hit the pavement running. To inhale the fresh breeze and breathe in freedom before my responsibilities woke, ready to go. But alas, my husband had left before dawn for an early meeting, so I ran around our 4/10 of an acre instead.

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That got old, real quick. But the kids’ trampoline stood there looking lonely, so I mustered up some oldies but goodies known as the pike, the herky, and the toe-touch.

What a riot! It was the most fun way to start a day of teaching and feeding and cleaning and Mommying. I had the trampoline and the whole backyard, all to myself for an hour.

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Today, I remember why I should have worked a little harder at the stretching part. I never stretch enough, and I’m feeling those hundred midair toe-touches. My legs are telling me I’m not 15 anymore. Ow.

Reach for Beauty

Sometimes we need to walk away from all these walls that confine us. We need to come out from under our ceilings to unhindered spaces where limits disappear. We need to take an hour away from the questions and requests for food and the lure of wiping one more crumb or washing another dirty dish, away from the books and papers and toys and faces all begging for a little more attention.

Sometimes the best idea is to become like a child for an hour, uncaged and in awe of vividness and blue. To be framed by walls made only of swaying trees, to walk on a floor of green beneath a wispy ceiling.

Sometimes the best encouragement comes when we fix our eyes on soft morning sunlight and singing birds flying through trees all pointing toward heaven.

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All this outdoor artwork settles me. Reminds me God is tall and I am small. Whispers my place under God–where I always exist, though I’m not always conscious of it. Where I can feel that God is in all and through all and holds all things together.  

May you find some vast, lonely space and time this weekend, to the backyard or beyond.

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