“It’s kinda boring in here, Mom. There’s nothing colorful about this place.”
She says this a little sassy, from a plain old emergency room bed. She’s drawing a picture in her fancy notebook, and watching Liv & Maddie on the corner television. Most importantly, she’s breathing slower. She’s acting like herself again.
We wait for medications to wear off, and these unplanned hospital hours have me thinking. A Carrie Underwood song I played last week, on the day I turned 40, runs through my head:
“Whenever you remember times gone by,
Remember how we held our heads so high.
When all this world was there for us,
And we believed that we could touch the sky…”
(“Whenever You Remember” lyrics)
Time has a way of humbling us, doesn’t it? I no longer believe I could touch the sky. Not like that anyway. I also don’t feel 40.
The age we feel on the outside never seems to match the way we feel on the inside.
Do you know what I mean?
When I turned 30, a friend asked me if I felt older. I said I felt about 17. I told my older sister yesterday, now that I’m 40, I feel a good strong 27 inside. Maybe it’s only lingering optimism, although it wasn’t all pretty then.
On my 27th birthday, I woke, sobbing, with Temporary Insanity. My overdue “little tiny” still had not joined us. I thought I’d be pregnant forever with that one.
Eventually, he arrived, and 27 began this giant growth spurt that is motherhood…
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