I took some time off the blog.
After many hours working on a different writing project, summer came to a close and this season of my life took a big turn. I planned on jumping right back in here, but instead I lingered, stuck. Stranded. Speechless.
Like any writer, I’ve been stuck before, but this pause felt more like an unraveling. I’m not so good with big changes. Or waiting. But it’s been an important pause to sit and listen and think and feel and some days, fall apart. I’m not sure the unraveling is all the way behind me, but I’m ready to lay down some words here.
It’s October, and so I’m joining with #write31days for a new series:
~ 31 Days of Poetry & Writing Prompts ~
In this #write31days series, I’ll share some of my favorite Poems along with images of Places we’ve wandered in recent years. I’ll also leave a writing Prompt each day, for those who, like me, need a little spark to stoke their writing fire.
Even if you have no desire to string together lines of your own, this series will enrich your life, because that’s what poetry does.
Poetry helps us see the beauty through the chaos of our lives, and I believe that shift is life-changing.
So, will you join me here? {Subscribe below to make it easy.}
Green
by D. H. Lawrence
The dawn was apple-green,
The sky was green wine held up in the sun,
The moon was a golden petal between.
She opened her eyes, and green
They shone, clear like flowers undone
For the first time, now for the first time seen.
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I remember sitting in a row of blue-eyed girls, assuming my eyes were also blue.
I’d never studied my eyes before.
I thought the eyes of my friends reflected the color of my own. I thought I’d find myself there, like they’d explain me. But it wasn’t the explanation I wanted.
You don’t have blue eyes, they said. Your eyes are green!
Does eye color matter? Eyes can be altered, you know. Had I needed contacts, I would have changed the color of mine. I sang along about brown-eyed girls. But I wanted what I saw the most.
Baby-blue California-sky eyes.
I wanted ocean-blue eyes.
Eyes are not the only difference I’ve longed for.
Given my Myers-Briggs letters, I’d choose a better combination. Given my top 5 strengths, I complain, Who wants Harmony & Empathy, Input, Achiever, & Intellection? On the Enneagram, I locate myself on Helper with a strong Perfectionist wing. But look at that Adventurer across the circle, having more fun than anyone. While we’re at it, Melancholy’s a diagnosis I’d trade for Sanguine any day.
Discontentment is a real struggle here. It’s probably written into my personality profile, but I don’t know which one.
Was it DISC profile? Strengths Finder? Birth order? Spiritual gifts inventory? Lifeplan? Happiness Style? They’re all stuffed into a blue file folder in the closet.
Maybe my eyes are just green with envy.
I don’t know. I see the good in other types, other strengths, other colors. But I also think I know better than what I’m given.
So I dreamed of trading my green eyes for your blue. But then they opened, and “green they shone, clear like flowers undone for the first time, now for the first time seen.”
What does a flower look like, when it’s undone? When it unravels?
Green.
///////////
Writing Prompt:
Are your eyes brown like earth, blue like sky, green like grass? Write about your color.
Feel free to share it (or an excerpt) in the comments.
See you tomorrow!
Debbie Sudrovech says
I wonder. With my blue eyes. Why those eyes get lost in the veritable sea of blue eyes. I am SOOO typical, with my average build, average blond/brown hair, average intellect and average background AND most of all America’s average predominant color of eyes. Blue.
I am average. No more…no less.
I wonder. If I had been graced with green eyes, would I have attracted different friends. Would my ex husband been more attracted to me, or would I have attracted a different and wonderful, stay with me forever kind of spouse? Would ALL my relationships be affected. Different friends, different spouse.
Then I finally think…are those green eyes worth it?
No.
I am blessed with the friends I have now. I don’t want to change that. We have been through a lot together. And survived.
My ex husband? As much as his choices hurt me, I would not have the children and grandchildren that I love so dearly. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I love them just the way they are. The pain of the divorce after 27 years of marriage was gut wrenching. And 18 years later, every once in a while I might still feel a shadow of that pain nip again. And still…I would go through it again if I had to all of it, for them.
So I couldn’t trade him.
So I come to find that those green eyes would change nothing. They would not make me any more special than I am with blue eyes, and that this blue eyed, brownish haired, average kind of woman, IS special.
It’s not because of my eye or hair color, size or intelligence. It’s not because of me, at all.
All of these gifts, my life, my friends, my ex, my family, my kids, my grandkids, joy, sorrows, and more came to me all through the grace of my God. Praise Him forever.
…and His greatest gifts are yet to come.
Love you!
Angela Parlin says
That’s just beautiful, Debbie. Thank you so much for sharing your pain and perspective. I love the hope you ended on.
Debbie Sudrovech says
Today I can tell you are hurting. I know that the pain you feel can permeate everything though and body part. It may be hard to see it through the pain, but God will bring good out of this. Praying for you.
Angela Parlin says
Thank you!!!
enthusiasticallydawn says
Poetry is my love language…and default! So glad someone is taking hold of Poetry for the 31 days…will try to visit when I can!
Angela Parlin says
I love that, Dawn…I think it’s my love language too! Glad you stopped by!